O ye of little faith
By Margot Carmichael Lester Dating requires confidence. And that keeps many people from wading into even the shallowest waters of the dating pool. How do you shore up your confidence and learn to have faith in yourself? Start by changing your perspective.
Getting to know you…
“Self-worth isn’t determined by what we do, what we look like, or how much success we have had,” says Kathy Cordell, a Wyoming-based life coach. “Instead, it is developed by knowing who we truly are and trusting in that person.” Having faith in the strength within you comes from living a life of integrity, says Cordell. “When the person on the outside matches the person on the inside, you are living an integrated life. If you are insecure about yourself or pretending to be someone you are not to please others, your faith and self-worth can plummet. Being faithful to who you are involves first knowing who you really are and then sticking to the values and guidelines you set for your life.”
Cordell says you can begin to do just that — and reap the self-esteem rewards — by asking yourself these questions:
* What are my top 10 values in life?
* When I envision my life in 10 years, what do I see?
* What do I want most from life?
* Whose company do I enjoy?
* What makes me laugh?
* How do I spend my money?
* Which people do I admire most?
* What is my purpose?
Answered truthfully, you can learn more about who you are and what you care about. “Once you know more about the positive truth of who you are, a cloud of doubt seems to lift from your life,” Cordell asserts. “You can be more focused while stepping toward your goals as you start to live purposefully. Finding faith in who you are is followed by gaining more understanding of your purpose in life so you can follow the desires of your heart. This may not happen overnight, but when life is pursued step-by-step, the big picture will start to unfold.”
Study the Bible
Another source of confidence? The Bible. “We can develop confidence in ourselves by knowing that we are made in God’s image,” says Barbara Bernstengel, director of the education unit of the Nida Institute for Biblical Scholarship. “God’s assessment of us, as His creation, leads us to the realization that we have been ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ (Psalm 139.14) and that God gives us the strength to do all things. It is these and other Biblical affirmations that sustain us and give us a sense of self-worth and self-esteem.”
Focus on the positive
We all have subconscious thoughts, and some are negative regarding our attractiveness, chances for romantic happiness or general “love-ability.” “Good news! You don’t have to track down and destroy each negative story,” says Julie Mars, an award-winning author and a hypnotherapist for Paraliminal Pathways. “You can more easily use positive suggestions to revise your basic self-concept,” she continues. Recognize all the good things about yourself—whether that’s being a good friend, being the one whose house everyone loves visiting, having a wicked sense of humor, or being able to run 10 miles. “Once you begin making these changes, you begin to believe the new story you are telling about yourself. Then notice how quickly the outer world responds—including romantically.”
Ask for help
And, as always, you can pray for guidance. “Whenever I become overly concerned with things, I often find that pondering the Lord’s Prayer — as well as appreciating who was originally saying it and why — helps me shake problems with fear, uncertainty, and doubt,” says Randall Nagy, an ordained minister and author of An Interview with a Saint. “If we believe those words in the same measure, then God will help us in far mightier ways than we can imagine.”
Follow these steps, and you can begin to boost your self-knowledge and self-confidence… and attract the kind of person you’re looking for.
best of luck guys dont forget to take deep breath before a date and your favourite pepermint
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